After my mom died in October, running became where I found solace. I wanted to explore the connection I made between running and grief, which is how I landed on the idea for this project.

Running provides us with so many metaphors. Through its movement we’re able to experience truths that are present in every part of life. Knowing when something is going to hurt, but continuing toward the pain. Riding the edge of agony to see what we can uncover. Existing in discomfort but knowing it is not our end, learning that we can live with it, and push to the other side. The peace of the aftermath. The gift of perspective. 

I remember her last words were ‘That’s so beautiful.’ Despite her constant pain she approached death with grace and appreciation for the beauty of life. I hear those words in my head every day as I remember her. Love doesn’t die or end. It can’t be taken from us, not even by death. I feel her in the breeze. I see her spirit in blooming flowers and sun glinting through branches. She can’t talk back to me but I still connect to her through beauty and feeling as I continue moving through life. The inadequacy of language in the face of death.

I think of her as I run, trying to make sense of the dense grief I carry. I feel her with me as I gasp in the fresh air, pushing my heart rate and speed closer to the bounds of my physical reality. My feet aren’t leading me away from pain. They’re guiding me through it, bringing me back to the beauty in life. 

This is not my thesis on grief, but this is one way I’m starting to work through it. 

One foot in front of the other.